A Dominatrix Account
They don't only look effective - when the arms have work to do, sleeves get in the way. The belt is also of shiny black leather, with a silver coloured metal buckle. Of the same colour metal are a pair of handcuffs hanging from the belt. More black leather is strapped next to the handcuffs - a neatly coiled whip. It is for this, especially that the arms should not be emcumbered. There is no shortage of transvestites who would like to meet the vision of a dominatrix. At least some of them would like to be her, but I go further - I am her. At first sight, there seems little mystery in the connection many of us make between transvestism and submission or domination. Our clothes define our role. For the transvestite they are obviously important in defining who is masculine, who is feminine. It is but a step further to define who is dominant and who is submissive.
Submissive
Some forms of clothing, especially uniforms, give one person authority over another. Military uniforms are a good example. The clothes an officer and a private wear are essential to their relationship - the officer's uniform marks the wearer as someone who may issue orders to the person in the private's uniform.
There are uniforms popular with transvestites which work in much the same way. The most commonly found are the schoolgirl and the maid - both of these have proved good sellers for such companies as Transformation. No doubt they are to be found in many a transvestite's wardrobe.
It is interesting, and may be significant, that the most easily available uniforms are for the submissive roles. Since such companies as Transformation respond to public demand, this obviously means that submissive uniforms are more popular than dominant ones.
Before me are the catalogues of three companies offering such outfits as maid's and schoolgirl uniforms. One catalogue also includes a harem outfit. Another has a range of little girls' party dresses in adult sizes. None of the three includes a policewoman's uniform, or anything else suggesting the dominant.
I know a tranvestite who wished to assemble a headmistress outfit - an obvious counterpart to the schoolgirl one. Unable to find exactly what was required in the stocks of fantasy clothing specialists, the person in question went to a supplier of genuine academic regalia to universites.
If this indicates that people regarding themselves as submissive outnumber those preferring a dominant role, it does no more than confirm my experience. This is certainly least as true amongst transvestites. Many of them may turn out to be a lot less submissive than they seem - but I'll come back to that later.
Connection
The link betwen uniforms and sub/dom is no mystery. However, people in realistic-looking fantasy uniforms seem to be in the minority on the sub / dom scene. At any club catering for such interests, you'll find most of the devotees in leather or rubber, with a few opting for PVC.
I recently picked up a flyer for something called Club Whiplash. The name says it all - or almost so. Apart from paying to get in, the flyer's only demand on members is how they may dress; "VERY STRICT DRESS ONLY, Rubber, Leather, Lingerie, PVC" - no mention of uniforms.
There is, of course, some overlap between uniforms and the kind of dress demanded by Club Whiplash. Rubber/PVC maid's uniforms are certainly available. Mostly, however, the rubber and leather clothing remains quite seperate from the uniform items. Most of the rubber wear being sold - and worn - is not uniform, and most fantasy uniforms are not rubber or leather.
The connection between rubber / leather and sub / dom is less easy to explain, but is very strong. There may be a direct connection between some rubber garments and bondage - being encased in tight stretchy rubber is only a step away from being tied up.
Likewise, leather is a traditional material for harnesses. Not only is it used for harnessing horses, but also - at least when I was a child - for reins used to restrain young children. I wonder how many children so restrained grew up to have a liking for being harnessed in leather?
These considerations, however, fail to explain a number of things. One is that while many rubber garments fit like a second skin, not all of them do. There is a considerable body of interest in mackintoshes, for example. Nor is there any correlation between looser and tighter fitting garments and the submissive or dominant roles.
Both rubber and leather are worn by the dominatrix and the submissive partner alike. True, there is often a distinction between the garments proper to the two roles - but that distinction is often not as clear as might be expected.
Amongst rubber devotees, the submissive parties are known as "damsels in distress." In reality, the "damsels" are often male. Transvestism in rubber is nearer the rule than the exception.
Historic
A "damsel" may be in a mackintosh or tightly encased in Latex. Likewise, the person responsible for the "distress" may be dressed either way. Indeed, either or both of them may combine both forms of rubber.
That said, there are garments proper only to one role or the other. Rubber masks containing inflatable gags or other devices restricting the ability to breathe are strictly for submissives. Masks leaving the nostrils and mouth clear, resembling those worn by historic executioners or torturers, are for the dominant partner.
Other items strictly for the submissive partner include those exposing, encasing or entering the wearer's private parts. (In so far as any of their parts remain private!) These include rubber shorts open at the crotch, with a built-in penis sheath, or with an integral dildo. Similarly for submissives are garments equipped with D-rings or fixings for restraints.
For lovers of rubber and leather alike, high stiletto heels are pretty well essential for both the submissive party and the dominatrix. They are suitable for the submissive, perhaps, because they make it more difficult to walk - and much more difficult to run. They may possibly be seen as dominant because of their suitability as weapons. Having a stiletto pressed hard into the flesh is an extremely painful experience.
Turning to leather, the items worn by submissives are more likely to consist of straps (like harnesses) than are the garments worn by the dominatrix, but arrangements of leather straps can feature in the clothing of the dominatrix as well. In her case, they are likely to leave less of the body uncovered. This is probably the main distinction on a superficial level.
Sometimes, similar straps have entirely different purposes. For example, the submissive may have leather straps at the wrist for use in binding or fettering, or for support when using the whip.
Indeed, these are very useful - cracking the whip can put a lot of strain on the wrist joint. Similar supports are worn by tennis players, archers, and others. It's a question of avoiding sports injuries.
In all of this, the whip is bound to arise (and fall). A means of hurting your partner is an essential part of the experience. The submissive must surrender to the dominatrix. If that surrender doesn't include the power to inflict a little pain, it doesn't mean very much.
Actually, a lot of so-called submission doesn't mean a great deal. Many who call themselves submissives, not least transvestites, want to lay down all sorts of conditions. The more conditions they make, the less they submit. It can easily become a waste of time for all concerned.
Whether they realise it or not, laying down conditions makes the experience less satisfactory for the submissive partner as well as for the dominant. There is some point in having an emergency signal which will enable the submissive to bring the session to a close - it can be used to stop things getting out of hand, but the signal should only be given in the most extreme circumstances.
The essence of submission is letting go. Someone else takes charge. The submissive can, in a real sense, relax. It may be painful relaxation, but is none the less relaxing for that.
Submissive
Viewed thus, it is little wonder that there are more people eager to submit than dominate. It should also be clear that any effort to take charge (on the part of the submissive) defeats the object of the exercise. Yet they will try to control the situation. They deserve a good whipping - or perhaps they'll have to do better before they truly deserve one.
Near, the start I mentioned both the whips and the handcuffs. The latter, or any form of tying or chaining, can be a big help in allowing a submissive to let go. Hands cuffed behind the back is not a good position for laying down conditions. Being held securely at each wrist and ankle is even less good for it.
Binding is very useful in a submissive's progress, but it requires trust. Indeed, the trust in one's dominatrix is in itself a liberating experience. But that trust is not to be gained instantly.
It is easiest to take things a step at a time. It's better to start with tying rather than chaining or handcuffing. However difficult it may be to cut through stout cord (especially with hands tied) it looks a lot less threatening than with a chain.
Better also, to start with the hands tied in front, rather than behind the back. This leaves the submissive feeling less helpless - and with some justification. Likewise, it is a good idea to have the submissive become accustomed to bound wrists before passing on to binding the ankles as well - or to binding to a fixed or heavy object.
I knew a girl who wouldn't take on the role of dominatrix because she thought the submissive was really in charge - and the dominatrix was serving the submissive rather than vice versa. Badly handled, things can work out that way. The submissive requires careful training - for benefits of both partners.
It is also a good idea to set the submissive to some useful work. Obviously, this can't be done during periods of highly restrictive binding - but work can be done, for example, with hands cuffed and attached to a wall by a few yards of chain. It is good to have someone else attend to the chores. Also - it helps to establish who is slave and who is mistress.
Sensitivity
This distinction may not be as clear and obvious as one might expect. In some sub / dom relationships the partners swap roles from time to time. They may even adopt a roughly 50 / 50 division of the submitting and dominating.
Moreover, even when the roles are distinct, it is a truism that one cannot dominate properly until one has learnt to submit. The role of dominatrix calls for a great deal of sensitivity - it's certainly not just a matter of tying them up and whipping them.
It needs to be stated that truly fulfilling sub / dom is essentially a loving relationship. Failure to realise this leaves many sub / dom experiences deeply unsatisfying. The dominatrix must give - and understand what she is giving; the submissive must trust completely - and surrender utterly.
The dominatrix's pleasure - and skill - depends on knowing how it feels to be tied, helpless, in that position. In knowing how the caress of the lash feels - now gentle, almost tickling; now severe, most definitely painful.
Submission and domination is a shared experience. A shared pleasure. To work properly it is love.
Most couples do it, anyway. It is part of love's game to use the teeth. Sometimes gently. Sometimes biting hard.
The use of whips and chains takes that experience a stage further, a stage closer to the ultimate love. However hard I strike, I do it with love.
Love and my spike heeled boots - painful combination. But what could be more exquisite?
