Cross dressing has become a big part of my life and like others I would like to share my experiences and views, if you decide to post my article…”
Ok, so this is my story…
It is not one racked with with emotional turmoil, it probably wouldn’t even make a Mills and Boon novel. It is not one of a man’s desire to become a woman when he realises that he should have been born a girl.
But the interest being a TV has created to the general public and indeed to the unique individuals who visit the Transformation site, made me want to put fingers to keyboard (so to speak) and share my cross dressing experiences and views with you.
As I write this article, I do so as Jenna, my female alter ego. I am dressed as her, in lacey underwear, high heels and a short skirt with a bosom-hugging top to add to the air of occasion.
I am 31 now and have been cross dressing since the tender age of 6 or 7, or indeed as far back as I can remember. To be honest, I don’t know why I began cross dressing, but having an elder sister probably helped and may have been a starting point.
At that age, I cannot put it down to hormonal imbalances, or even starting to think to myself that I wish I had been born a girl, it was something that happened one day and has been a part of my life ever since. Looking back now, there still doesn’t appear to be a reason, but even to this day, I now have the urge to slip into my lacey underwear and my own female clothes and become Jenna whenever I can. My reasons are simple: female clothing is a damn sight prettier than my own, I love to wear it, I feel good when I am wearing it.
Why did I choose Jenna?
A couple of reasons really. Firstly, it is unusual (a bit like me I suppose) and secondly, it is quite a girly name which befits the way I feel when I cross dress.
I had never really thought of giving myself a female name or personna before, that was until I met a lass at a party, who was a transsexual. She listened to me and suggested my giving myself a girls name and it went on from there.
Throughout my life, there have been several occasions when the opportunity to dress as a woman, and actually go out in my party frock dressed up to the nines, have presented themselves. They were mainly confined to fancy dress parties, or pub and club nights, but even to this day I am still very much in the closet and have never met anyone in real life who feels the same way as me and understands why I and many others cross dress.
Speaking to someone by email is not the same as meeting someone face to face. When you can both sit down together, you can at least both dress as women and swap experiences.
The clothes I wear are my interpretation of how I think a woman should look, as indeed is many other TVs’ perceptions. I love sexy, lacey underwear. I love wearing figure hugging skirts, tops or dresses finished of with a set of perfect legs and of course, the good old high heel shoe. I own a pair with a 4 inch heels and I wear them as often as I can, because I think they look really feminine and I look good in them.
I think I dress the way I do because I am very envious of how many sexy women there are in this world, and as well as wanting to be able to pass convincingly as one of them, I would prefer to share my bed with one as well. Kind of have my cake and eat it.
They have so many beautiful things — what do men have? A chauvanist attitude and a dull, grey suit…
I feel great when I am dressed as my alter ego and it also helps in de-stressing me at the end of another crap day at the office. I have to keep my feelings and wanton desires well in the closet when I am at work, as well as at home as the wife refuses to accept that I am TV and life could become very unbearable.
Going back to dressing as a woman: my feelings can sometimes be really overwhelming. I enjoy dressing in petite feminine things (I am a slim size ten by the way). I even used to bunk off school in my teenage years, just so that I could rifle through my sister’s clothes and spend the day pampering myself as every woman does now and again.
I buy my own clothes, the knowing look of the spotty faced Saturday girls are always a bit disconcerting… can they actually sense that you may have an ulterior motive for that bag full of sale priced clothing you have just purchased? One would certainly think so. Why does it always seem to take so long for the items to be put through the tills, accompanied by the girly titters and giggles. Embarrasing as it may be, as long as you look good and feel comfortable in that nice sexy little outfit you have just purchased, who cares?
Which brings me nicely onto my next point:
..that of the narrow minded views and opinions of the good old public… I can’t discriminate, but it really annoys the hell out of me when you get the big mouthed idiot or the unsavoury characters shall we say, who make life unbearable for each of us, each TV – a unique person in my own opinion.
Yes, it isn’t the done thing for a man to dress in women’s clothing. It could be misconstrued as being abnormal, but what the hell. You can only take so much abuse, but the narrow minded views of individuals who think that just because you are TV you must be perverted push the limits. Is it any wonder that most TVs remain in the closet?
Underneath the mascara and lipstick there is still a man, and I am pretty sure that most people will only take so much before they explode, myself included.
Some women actually actively encourage their partner’s cross dressing. They feel that if they help their menfolk to become women, not only do they gain a confidente, a sister, a good female friend, they also gain the respect, love and admiration only a part-time woman can bring.
Most feel threatened though, God knows why.
Personally speaking, I have no desire whatsoever of becoming a full time woman. Not taking away the respect I give to those who have made such a huge emotional decision, it certainly takes guts. I have a friend who is in the final throes of their transition to full time womanhood.
I admire and respect her, but at the same time I pity her because of what women face. There is no doubt that they are, probably, the weaker sex in some respects. They are used and abused in a very male-dominated world and more often than not taken for granted, something of which I too am guilty at times.
So where does that leave me? Still in the closet I’m afraid, unless by some freak act of nature I turn into a female overnight or the world actually realises that TVs do exist but underneath our lipstick and mascara we are human too.
I would love to wear my lacey underwear under my clothes, but I can’t, I have to remain behind closed doors. Perhaps Jenna might come to fruition one day and people will understand.
I am a normal person, I just enjoy dressing as a woman.
Take Care One and All
Regards, Jenna
