Stephanie's Advice

STEPHANIE'S ADVICE

Our transsexual founder Stephanie Anne Lloyd is here to help you with any questions you have on any topic. I would like to be a woman with breasts and I want to make the right decision on what is the right product or is breast implants the best option. Stephanie says "Implants require an expensive operation and will never feel as real as those that you grow yourself. To develop your own breasts you will need to take oestrogen female hormones (wide choice available at transformation.co.uk remember the stronger the formulation the faster enlargement will be) and an anti-androgen which will lower the level of the male hormone, testosterone circulating in your body allowing oestrogen to act more effectively. Dependant on your budget, age and health we can provide free advice as to which products would be the most suitable for you" How can I convince myself cross dressing is not wrong? I sometimes feel so bad and so guilty, I am married you see! John from Cambridge Stephanie says Stop beating yourself up John. I can assure you it is not wrong, nor is it illegal. You are in very good company with your hobby. Men from top professional positions right through to unemployed people enjoy this interest. Most are married, all different age groups, shapes and sizes. Nobody knows why some men dress, some men do not. The medical profession do not even know. If only people generally could be educated to realise just how harmless cross dressing is! It does not mean you are about to change your sexuality. You have to realise this is natural and a necessity for your wellbeing. It does not go away if you ignore how you feel, or do not make provision to explore your need (discreetly), you will feel irritable, frustrated and fed up. Ignoring your need could even make you depressed. I am sure your wife would prefer a happy contented man. So no regrets, dress discreetly and enjoy exploring your femininity. I take a 'man' size 10 shoe. What size will I need in a ladies size? I have been tempted to buy them mail order, but I guess it is better if I can try them on first. Can I try them on in a Transformation shop? Barry from Wigan Stephanie says Yes! Of course Barry. Transformation stocks shoes up to a size 12 and they are wider in fitting and stronger than those found in high street stores. Wearing high heeled shoes pushes the body weight forward, so you will probably need a size larger than normal, in your case a size 11. Most people have one foot slightly larger than the other and you can compensate for this by wearing an insole sock in the looser shoe. Transformation stocks classic lines in the main shoes and boots to go with every outfit, whether it is worn indoors or outdoors. They also stock very reasonable priced thigh length PVC boots for that special occasion. Can I sleep in my Silicone Breasts? Mike from Newcastle

Stephanie says

No, they are not meant for great pressure to be applied. It will only flatten them, which you certainly do not want to happen. ‘Rubberised’ ones which will give you the shape in a nightie and are more 'robust'. Transformation have ideal breasts priced at £59.99 or £69.99. Ring any shop branch or CSD to order, or place an order on the internet. My wife found out I dressed, was furious and has given me a hard time ever since. I have promised to give it up and told her I would be having 'aversion' therapy to cure me, is it possible to be cured. Maggie from Stockport

Stephanie says

Maggie you cannot be 'cured' because there is nothing wrong with you. Life might be simpler if you did not dress, but let me tell you that you are in very good company. Thousands of men from all walks of life dress. Nobody can say why some men do and some men do not. However it’s a natural part of who and what you are. The feelings go away, but can be 'managed' so that you don't have this feeling of vulnerability and or trapped obsession. You cannot give it up but you can fit it into your life, so that you don’t hurt or upset those close who perhaps don’t understand how harmless dressing is. Anyway why give up something which you enjoy and is necessary to you. Why don't you speak to someone at Transformation who can talk to you about 'changeaway'. A 'changeaway' would be the ideal solution, relaxing 'en femme' in a safe confidential place where you needn't worry about the telephone or someone arriving unexpectedly. What do women really think about men who Cross-Dress? Terry from Leicester

Stephanie says

I guess you could say opinions are divided on the matter. Some women are broadminded, find it fun and actively encourage their partner to do it (yes I know it’s every TV's dream). Other women would not want to know, because they assume (wrongly) it diminishes a man's masculinity. Stay on the side of caution when it comes to telling a partner. Remember you’re not doing anything wrong, illegal or immoral, but you could jeopardise a good relationship. Don't forget 'Transformation' shops exists for guys who have to be discreet! My wife recently got to know I Cross-Dress, when she came back from work early. She does not seem to mind, after the initial shock, but I am keen to proceed without upsetting her unduly. What would you suggest? Tony from Plymouth

Stephanie says

You are being very sensitive to her feelings Tony which is nice and I would always proceed with 'caution'. Sometimes ladies do an 'about turn' after first seeming not too mind. I think the secret is to not appear too obsessed, not too talk about it too much and not seem over keen to spend lots of money on your 'new wardrobe', The main problem will arise with wives when they think their husbands female alter ego is taking over and it becomes competitive. Remember she married a bloke and she wants to have that way. It such a relief for you to not feel you have a dark secret and that must make you feel a lot more relaxed and a nicer person to live with. Stephanie, I would like to order good through your shops on Customer Services, as I cannot get in to visit the shops easily as I live in Cumbria. However I am very worried about my Mother finding out that I dress. Would the packaging indicate where the items have come from? It is really scary to think she would find out. Ron from Cumbria

Stephanie says

Ron, everything that Transformation sends out to Transformation customers is packaged in plain packaging, just with your name and address on the front. There would be no indication where the item had come from. Also we can send it next day special delivery for you, this would have to be signed for by you personally, therefore it would be you who personally receives the parcel. Also just to put your mind at rest any payment through credit card will only show on your statement as SERCUS Ltd and not Transformation. Transformation as a company are very focused on keeping everything discreet and confidential. You can also set up a post box at your local main Post Office, so do enquire. I am 76 years of age. I feel a bit of an old fool asking this, but am I too old to come into one of your shops for a 'Transformation'? I have always had a very strong urge to do this, I do not know why! Sadly my wife died recently and now, on my own, I do not feel as though I would be letting her down, what do you think? I read your column regularly and always think you offer very good advice. Tommy from Blackburn

Stephanie says

Tommy you are certainly not too old. I have dealt with a customer of 92 years! We can't make you look 18 again, but we can make you look a very attractive mature lady. Trust me! We can! You have suppressed your feminine side for too long, although I quite understand why. Now is the time to take action. Pop into our Manchester Shop to experience the high standard of customer service and allow the staff to work their magic. It will be a delightful experience, one to treasure! Give the shop a ring first for more re-assurance, just do it! My Husband came home from the pub recently and disclosed that he wanted to Cross-Dress, I was horrified at first, but I do love him and want to try and understand. I found your website, which was a great relief as it looks so professional and respectable. Can I ask you Stephanie, does he want to do this because I'm not women enough for him? This has made me feel really inadequate. Gemma from Stockport

Stephanie says

This is nothing to do with you or what you have or have not done. I can assure you of that! He probably finds you very attractive and wants to emulate you! Some men dress, some men do not and nobody knows why. Dressing does not emasculate your fella and is often not sexually motivated. We all have a mixture of masculine/feminine qualities. He is probably kind, caring and sensitive. Enjoy those qualities, remember he is doing nothing illegal or immoral. Some women know about their man dressing but don't want to witness it, others can accept it. If it's controlled! Perhaps you could set 'boundaries' of times when dressing is acceptable to you and when its not. You may decide it’s not appropriate in front of you. Take it slowly and keep the lines of communication open. He will feel tremendous relief that you 'know' and hopefully his now 'shared secret' will pull you together even more. Good luck! My youngest daughter, Clare came home from school early unexpected. I was fully dressed, wearing my wife's clothes. I'm positive she saw me through the net curtains. I managed to dash upstairs and lock myself in the bedroom pretending to be asleep. Clare went back to school but has been acting differently to me ever since. What shall I do? Linda from Glasgow Stephanie says I feel that you might be panicking a bit here and jumping to hasty conclusions. You say that your daughter saw you through net curtains, in which case she would certainly not have seen you clearly if she was aware of you at all. Don't forget that young people can be moody and withdrawn for reasons quite unconnected with cross dressing. Cross dressing need not be a lonely, isolating hobby. Why not pop into the Transformation shop for a Changeaway and enjoy the peace and tranquillity of being with people who understand and where you will feel safe and secure. Hi Stephanie I have a dilemma, I have been dressing for 25 years now and more and more find myself wanting to take hormones, not all of them but just some of them to help me change just a little bit to feel more feminine. Hormones like Triple strength nipple development cream, female persona capsules and beard retardant cream. What would your advice be? Michaela, Yorkshire Stephanie says Dear Michaela I understand your need for a more profound feminine experience and hormones would certainly help you here. The hormone products found in the Transformation shops are mild, safe and effective. They are plant driven products which have a gentle positive effect on the male system as confirmed by 1000s of users over the years. Most importantly they are not prescription strength so they can be bought over the counter in our shops. To obtain more information on specific items and possible results please do not hesitate to phone or visit us at one of our Transformation shops. The staff would be delighted to help you. Kind Regards, Stephanie Every time I cross dress I get an erection. I do so want to experience your dressing up service and buy some breasts. Sorry I can’t afford the top ones. How can I control my urge so it doesn't happen when I’m being assisted by the lovely ladies in your shops, I’ve already spoken to Debbie, but couldn't tell her about this, she sounds so kind. Maria from Dublin Stephanie says Hi Maria, Having an erection at an inappropriate time, is a very real fear for a lot of men who dress. At the Transformation shops that fear is eliminated because you are given appropriate garments to use, whether you are trying to buy or having a changeaway make-over. You can of course buy similar garments made of fabric or latex rubber at the shop for use in the home. These are generally known by the name cache sex and works effectively to give a nice flat tummy. In answer to your second query regarding breasts even the most expensive are affordable these days with either a cheque spread or standing order mandate (interest free/ admin fee charged) There is a wide price range with affordable economy breasts that are very popular. Shops usually have sale breasts in stock. My advice always get the best you can afford. I’m 22 stone, a bricklayer, with hands like shovels. Please, please how can I be feminine? I’ve lots of things from Scope shops. I love silky feely skin. Cathy from Cambridge Stephanie says Hello Cathy, Women come in all shapes and sizes. Regardless of your male size you can still look and feel stunning. Charity shops serve a very useful purpose but are unlikely to stock female clothing in the sizes to fit you properly. You need a free personal advisory facility, readily available at any transformation shop. This would provide qualified help and advice and get a quick visual glimpse of your feminine possibilities. Don't forget they stock specialist items/ sizes/and clothing. Once you wear silicone breasts and corsetry, wow! You will definitely feel like a woman. Hormone cream could help with achieving silky feeling skin. Good luck! I've dressed in ladies underwear, my wife’s mainly for as long as I can remember, when I was only 8yrs old I remember pinching my sisters school knickers. I’m 46 years old, married with 3 kids. I can’t hide this anymore, I’m shaking as I write this. Emma from Newcastle Stephanie says Hi Emma, Please don't feel bad about dressing, you are doing nothing wrong or illegal, nor is masculinity threatening. If only everyone could be educated into the awareness of how harmless cross dressing is. Thank you for having the courage to send this Email. I would like you to talk to someone at Transformation. I need more information into regarding your circumstances, are you simply TV or could it possibly be that you feel you have more transsexual needs? Help can be forthcoming. So do not feel alone. My cousin has asked me to be a bridesmaid at her wedding, only Jenny knows I'm a crossdresser, what shall I do? Rebecca from Birmingham Stephanie says Wow! What a wonderful compliment. You must feel very flattered. Jenny obviously has a lot of confidence in your appearance and ability to pass as a "real" girl so why haven't you the same confidence? There will presumably be other family members present so why not discuss your fears with Jenny. Don't forget if you decline you do run the risk of offending and alienating a true friend. Only you can assess the risks involved but it sounds like too good an offer to miss. Just think of the beautiful dress which I'm sure you'll get to keep. Every time I go out cross-dressed I nip into the same newsagent to buy the latest Woman’s Own magazine. The owner always smiles and winks at me and last night he asked me out on a date. What shall I do? Maureen from Croydon Stephanie Says You sound as though you are passing very well indeed. being chatted up is what happens to us girls all the time so you'd better get used to it ! You must feel flattered even though you may not be interested in a date. It takes a lot of courage for a man to ask a girl out so let him down gently. I would wear a very broad wedding band the next time you go in or start shopping at a different newsagent. I'm "caught short" whilst out shopping in Selfridges Ladies Department and I'm desperate for the toilet, what do I do? Michelle from Derby Stephanie says This is a frequently asked question. Cross dressing is not illegal. However it can be construed as "a breach of the peace" if you use the ladies toilets whilst you are out dressed. To avoid any problems I would suggest you use the unisex disabled toilets which can be frequently found nowadays. If you are going out dressed self-confidence is very important so be sure to visit a Transformation Shop and have a professional, feminising makeover. This will guarantee you have the "know how" to always look your feminine best. They can also provide you with an identity card, stating you are a TV/TS. Presentation of this will help avoid any potential problems and reduce any feelings of vulnerability. Stephanie, what’s your advice about going out dressed. All I’ve ever done is go out with stockings, suspender belt and lacey knickers under my jeans and put red lipstick on whilst driving. Debbie from Edinburgh

Stephanie says

Lots of men wear feminine under-wear discreetly this is perfectly acceptable. I always advise against going out dressed half and half wearing both male and female clothing and makeup. Doing this you attract the wrong sort of attention. Please NEVER put lipstick on whatever the colour whilst driving. I can understand the thrill and anticipation of going out dressed but for safety reasons make sure you achieve the best possible feminine look by getting help and advice first (Transformation offer a free personal advisory service) One bad experience could seriously affect your confidence. When I'm dressed in my favourite hookers outfit I fantasise about being picked up by a man in a flashy jag. Am I gay? I love my wife and family. She knows about my secret habit but does not want anyone else to know. Mandy from Birmingham

Stephanie says

Most male TVS that dress are hot blooded heterosexual guys who are married or have a female partner. They would not be interested in other men sexually. Dressing is a fantasy world, you can be who or what you want to be and mentally create all manner of circumstances. Most men who dress respect and admire women tremendously and dream about what it would like to actually be a woman. Perhaps it is part of your bedroom routine this is your private business. It does not mean that you are gay or bi-sexual. You are most fortunate that your wife accepts your hobby and there is no reason why anyone else should find out. When your young son becomes older adjust your routine. But don’t worry for now just have fun! What’s the best way to put stiletto seam stockings on? I can never get the seams right Stacey from Bolton

Stephanie says

Always ensure that you have your toe nails cut short. Men sometimes forget to do this. Roll your stocking slowly up and over the ankle. It is a good idea to wear a suspender belt with six suspenders (available from transformation) rather than a conventional four. This would control the positioning of your stockings better. It is really a question of practice makes perfect. A good girlie tip for you – always purchase two pairs of stockings. The reason being if you ladder one you still have three stockings left. This is far more economical and your stockings will last longer. I’ve always had man boobs. I love them, am I a she male? Christine from Manchester

Stephanie says

Lots of TVS have man boobs some are natural and others are cultivated by taking hormone product. Some males fantasise about having breast but cannot have them because of personal circumstances. The reasons why males want breast are varied it could be a sexual connection or maybe your instincts are perhaps transsexual and you would like to feel more feminine naturally. She males have a tendency to go to more extreme lengths to have breast and have surgery with breast implants. They still however keep their penis. Generally (there are exceptions to every rule) she males are gay or bi sexual and possibly motivated by sexual reasons to appeal to a wider audience. Every time I buy Tights and Stockings they ladder straight away - why? Betty from Wolverhampton Stephanie says A common situation is that men forget to cut their toe nails, so make sure yours are nice and short, especially on your 'Big Toes'! Roll your stockings/tights slowly up from your ankle. This does take a bit of practice. Perhaps you need a thicker denier (texture) until you have had more experience, they are more robust to handle than flimsy nylon. Do not forget to always buy two pairs of stockings at a time, so if you do ladder one pair you have a spare pair. Transformation have an excellent selection of Tights and Stockings that you can purchase without embarrassment, including a range for longer legs. I am desperate to meet other people who dress. Sometimes I feel very lonely and isolated and would give anything to have a friend who understood! What do you suggest? Gina from Portsmouth Stephanie says Well Gina, you have quite a few options open to you. Obviously you could 'Chat on-line' and get to know people that way. If you arrange to meet anyone it’s always sensible to meet in a well-lit public place and tell someone where you are going. You could go along and experience a 'Changeaway at our Transformation shop'. It’s a great chance for some girlie fun and you will also make lots of new friends. Ring the Transformation shop on 0161 773 2572 for details. Hope this given you some ideas Gina. Good Luck there are plenty of people 'out there' who like you are keen to make new friends... Please advise, I am in a bit of a dilemma. I have a date with a lovely girl in a couple of weeks and would really like to get to know her better. I am terrified of her finding out that I am a cross-dresser. This is an instant worry and because of it I usually avoid getting involved, but I would love a partner. Should I tell her on our first date? Peter from Norwich

Stephanie says

Peter this is a frequently asked question and I can understand your concern. Some women do not understand at all just how harmless cross-dressing is. Some women do not mind being aware, but do not like to see it manifest. Then you get the women who don not mind at all and positively encourage the hobby. But don't let happiness pass you by, simply because of a fear. Life is about taking chances. Look forward to your date and remember it would not be appropriate to discuss anything of such a private intimate nature, so early in a relationship anyway. Proceed with caution by all means, but please do not let it hold you back. Some Men feel deceitful if they cannot be totally honest and whilst this is admirable in most circumstances, remember by dressing you are giving yourself a relaxation which is essential and necessary for you. This in turn makes you a calmer, better person for any relationships you are involved with. Why not be totally discreet and spend a few hours having a confidential make-over at one of our 'Transformation Shops' Good luck on your date I hope it goes well. My wife found my 'Girly Clothing' recently and has threatened to divorce me because she thinks I am odd. She wants me to go to counselling, but I know that I cannot give it up, I do not want to lose her. What can I do? Bob from Stockport

Stephanie says

You could try and explain just how harmless Cross-Dressing is and that it does not affect your sexuality. If that is a no go area and you want to retain the relationship, then I am afraid you have to be discreet in future and perhaps not dress at home. Remember (Transformation Cross-Dressing service at all our Shops). By all means go to counselling with your wife which could perhaps give you the safe opportunity to discuss issues with a third party, you could not discuss at home. You can also request to speak to the counsellor by yourself which might help you to come to terms with any negative feelings you might have about Cross-Dressing. You could of course also pop into the nearest Transformation Shop and have a chat with all our understanding staff. What can you suggest to hide my 'beard area', my make-up always seems to have a 'blue tinge' and I feel this is a dead giveaway when I go out dressed. Louise from Manchester

Stephanie says

For your make-up to last, you must use an 'oil based' foundation, applied sparingly with a damp sponge (Miracle Beard Cover Cream) and then set with the complimentary loose powder. Water based make-up products do not provide the necessary consistency for enduring cover. You can of course use the shop sold 'Hormone Based Cream' to minimise the growth rate and lighten the colour of the facial hair. Last week I was caught by my neighbour trying to take her underwear from her washing line, I am 65 years old recently retired. I was sure she was at work. I told her it would never happen again. She is always popping round for a chat with my wife, I am extremely worried she will tell her exactly what happened. Tom from Cheshire Stephanie says What a shame you did not think to say “the weather forecast predicted rain and you were doing her a good turn”. Perhaps you could still maintain that was the reason you were removing the washing, but her sudden appearance had frustrated you. If your wife mentions the situation that arose, you may have to bluster your way through! Lesson learned! Why be ‘impulsive’ and try to obtain underwear that would not fit you, when you could find undies that do. Transformation caters for any shapes and sizes without compromising on femininity. Pop into your nearest branch in Prestwich, Manchester, and see the gorgeous selection of products in store. Age is no barrier to cross-dressing, and now you are retired you can surely find the time. Happy Shopping…. Dear Stephanie, please help me… Its 8 weeks before I get married. My fiancée is not aware of my cross dressing interests. I am going to be so jealous when she walks down the aisle in her wedding dress. Should I tell her now? She knows I love sexy underwear, I am always buying it for her, and it is a great excuse to buy some for myself at the same time. We have a little girl just turned 2 Years Old. Andy from Reading Stephanie says My advice is to always get on the side of ‘caution’ when it comes to disclosing your dressing interests! Lots of people do not understand how harmless cross dressing is, and how it’s not related to your sexual orientation. Only you can calculate the ‘risks’ involved in telling your wife to be, and I sympathise because it is a very difficult decision to make! It is possible to run a parallel life and manifest your female self by enjoying a ‘makeover changeaway’ in one of our Transformation Shops, where you will always have unconditional acceptance by all our lovely staff. In this way you do not have to tell anyone ‘outside’, you will feel both calm and stress free in a safe environment at all times. This will surely make you a good Husband and Father in your home environment! Yes you will be jealous of how beautiful your wife will look in her Wedding Dress, and I am certain she will look stunning, but you can have the very same experience, and look just as stunning on a ‘Bride’s changeaway experience in our shop. I hope you enjoy a long and very happy marriage.

Stephanie's Advice